her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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