We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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