I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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