It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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