I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
