my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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