Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
