Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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