five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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