They should really pass out barf bags in church
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
