Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We left the knife in your bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
