this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
