I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
