Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
