Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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