you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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