Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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