So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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