So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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