The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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