we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
