She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
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girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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