everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
