Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
