He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
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