I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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