The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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