how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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