you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
