Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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