dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
