I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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