Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
