youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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