Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
