We won't sleep together?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i now understand why vodka
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
