i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize