First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
