Can Purell be used as lube?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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