Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
