okay pat passed out under dana's car
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
