Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
