so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
