You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
