you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
