Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
