Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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