Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
