My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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