I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This toilet bowl is my home.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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