Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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