I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
