Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize