I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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