Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
