so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
