I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
