Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
