the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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