38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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