Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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