I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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