Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
What a dumb baby whore.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
