I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
