So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
