you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
