i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
