If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
