if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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