I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
