i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
