I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
