that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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