I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
