Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
