3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I need to align my fucking chakras
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
