I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you will always have a special place in my vag
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
