I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
