Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
