loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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