i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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