She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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