boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
His nipple licking is glorious
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
