You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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