i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
