what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
