I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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